Alexis's Secret
by dollydean
Summary: Alexis made a mistake, and needed to confide in Kate. But will Kate feel a little bit jealous of Alexis? Later Beckett and Castle wonder if Alexis's mistake means they missed their chance.
1. Chapter 1

Kate has never been a big 'sharer'. If you wanted to know something about her, you had to ask. Even then, if she didn't dodge answering, you'd be lucky.

Rick had always known that Kate doesn't discuss her personal life at work. Now that they were living together, it felt like he had to force everything out of her. That's another reason why he fell in love with her.

Although Kate didn't often share, people always told her their secrets, knowing she could keep them to herself.

It was Thursday, and she was relieved to be home from work. She loved her job, but there hadn't been a body drop today, which meant that it had been a full day of desk work. She was glad to be able to come home and spend a romantic evening with her 'fiancé'.

As soon as she stepped in the door of the loft her phone rang. "Beckett" she answered. "Hey Kate it's me." It was Alexis. "Hey Alexis... What's up" Alexis didn't usually call her, she probably needed to be picked up from somewhere.

"Kate... Are you going to be home tonight?" She sounded nervous.

"Yeah... Alexis what's going on?" She didn't want to butt in, but Alexis's voice was trembling.

"Will you pick me up from the airport at 8? I think I need the weekend off." Kate knew Alexis wasn't big on taking 'breaks' from school, so she got the idea something was wrong.

"Yeah sure Alexis, call me when you land." She said into the phone.

"Ok. And Kate?"

"Yeah?" Kate knew the sounds of someone upset and she was wondering if she should tell rick.

"Please... Just don't tell my dad." This was not good. What had her soon to be stepdaughter gotten herself into?

"Sure Alexis." Kate sat at the island in the kitchen staring at her phone, waiting for it to ring.

Was Rick going to be suspicious when she brought Alexis home? She worried he might be upset. No, She'll just say surprise when Alexis walks in, and he'll love it.

The time went by faster than Kate had expected. Sitting at the island waiting for the phone to ring she began to look back on all the bad things she had done at college. She had made a few calls like that to her own mom. But Alexis was nothing like her, she wasn't a bad girl like Kate had been.

The call came faster than Kate had expected. As soon as her phone lit up she practically ran to her car, and went 90 all the way to JFK. She had never been one to follow speed limits anyway

Alexis had been waiting for her outside, and practically ran to her car when she saw it.

"Hey Alexis!" She said cheerfully. Alexis had been crying Kate noticed that she had only one bag.

"Just drive, let's go." She said.

Kate had been in a situation before where someone tried to get her to talk when she was upset, and she knew better than to try to get Alexis to spill her guts before she was ready.

So Kate and Alexis just drove. For Kate, the drive home seemed a hell of a lot longer than the drive there, and maybe that was because she was going the speed limit, but the tension hanging in the air definitely added to it

Finally Alexis asked Kate "have you ever made a really, really big mistake." She sounded bleak.

Kate laughed "yeah. We all make mistakes, but I've made some pretty unforgivable ones." She was hoping to find out why Alexis was so upset.

"Like what?" Alexis asked.

Damnit. Not the way Kate wanted the conversation to go "well I missed my prom." She said.

"Why?" Alexis asked

"I was just too big of a non-conformer to go I guess" she told her.

"No I mean like, have you ever made a mistake that would change your life?" Alexis looked up a Kate.

"Well I think even things that aren't mistakes can change your life." She was trying to dodge having to answer difficult questions.

"Kate... If I told you a secret, would you tell my dad?"

"Well, I guess that depends on what it was. Probably not if you didn't want me to." Oh god... Keeping secrets from castle was not easy. He just turned into a 5 year old, and never gave up.

"Ok. I need your help." Kate was grateful for this opportunity. Her and Alexis have always been close, but Beckett wasn't really good with kids and Alexis was coming to her for help!

"Sure Alexis, what is it?"

"Well Kate... I'm... I can't say it." Alexis started to cry again.

Kate didn't know what to do. She had never been a crier, she used to just get angry and not talk to anyone.

"It's ok Alexis, whatever it is can't be that bad" ok here goes, she was gonna tell Alexis something bad she had done. "When I was in school, my friends and I snuck onto one of the roofs, and we made some graffiti... Wow I was a dumb kid... Anyway, I passed out and the cops found me, and I had to call my dad to bail me out of the police station." Kate laughed, and Alexis even flashed a smile.

"Kate, I made a huge mistake and now I have to pay for it for the rest of my life."

"Alexis, what happened?" Kate was getting impatient.

"Kate, I'm pregnant!" Alexis sobbed and cried.

Kate had made many mistakes in her lifetime, but she had never been knocked up! "Oh Alexis..." Was all she could say.

Alexis just sobbed incoherently.

Kate couldn't help but wonder what all this meant to her. Had her door for having kids just been closed? Finally Kate thought of a good question "are you going to keep it?"

Alexis looked up at her "I don't know!" She practically yelled as she cried.

Kate didn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say in a situation like this? Not congratulations.

"Alexis am I taking you to the loft?" Kate tried to change the subject.

"I don't know!"

Suddenly Kate's iPhone rang the 'I'm too sexy' ringtone that indicated rick was calling her. Kate slid the answer slide, "Beckett" she said.

"Hey Kate I'm going to be out too late tonight so I decided to just stay in the Manhattan condo, I'll catch you at the precinct tomorrow."

"Ok castle" she said.

"Love you bye."

"Love you."

Kate turned to Alexis "your dad's not going to be home, so if you need somewhere safe to stay you can stay at the loft."

"What about gran?" She asked.

"She's at the hamptons." Kate focused on the road.

"Ok I'll stay at the loft."

Kate was sleeping on her side of the bed when she heard the door open. She rolled over she saw Alexis standing in the doorway. Kate had never been in this situation before. She remembered when she used to get scared at night, her mom would wave for her to come in, so that's what she did for Alexis.

Alexis walked over and crawled into the bed. She cuddled right up to Kate.

Beckett did not know exactly what to do, so she reached her arm around Alexis.

Kate was at work, just like any other day. She had received a call that a body dropped, and her and castle were on their way to the site when she got a text from Alexis, who decided she was going to keep the baby. But not to say anything to castle yet.

"Castle," she said, curiously "do you want more kids?" Not that she wanted any, she just wanted to know.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N sorry guys… I'm from canada and I did not know Stanford was in california, I thought it was in New York :/… so I changed that… thanks to those reviews i learned something new! **

The next morning, Kate and Rick woke up to the sound of Kate's phone ringing. She rolled over and slid the answer slide. "Beckett." She tried not to sound tired.

"Hey Beckett, its Espo. We've got a body drop on West 43rd street." He said to the phone.

"Got it, Castle and I are on our way." She reached over and shook him awake.

"5 more minutes" he mumbled into the pillow.

"Get up, or I'll leave without you!" she threatened.

After stopping for coffee, they began to discuss what happened last night.

"Kate, Alexis is not ready for this! She needs to finish her schooling, it means a lot to her!" He wasn't really protesting anything, Kate realized that Rick just was not ready to see his little girl as a mom.

"We both know that alexis is responsible. She isn't going to make any decisions without thinking everything through." She was just mirroring all of the things Rick had been saying to her for the 6 years they had been working together.

Castle knew Kate was right, but to him it was yesterday that Alexis was sitting in a high chair eating cheerios. He smiled "it could be fun to have a baby around the house." He glanced at Kate, who was starring forewards with a look of terror on her face.

Had he seriously just said that? She hadn't envisioned the baby living with them… she wasn't a baby person for god sakes. Suddenly her stomach churned as she imagined being puked on and woken up at 4am, like when cosmo was with them. "Rick, remember when cosmo was with us? Babies are not as fun as you remember." She wasn't trying to crush his dreams, she was just reminding him not to get too excited. "Besides, even if she decides to keep it, will she still live with us?" Beckett wondered all the possibilities Alexis had at her hands. Even if she did keep it, would she live with them? Or get her own house? Kate felt herself hoping that Alexis would keep it, and live with them, despite all of the downsides. She turned back towards castle, who seemed to be a little disgruntled by her last remark. "But it might be fun, you know… I kind of missed cosmo after he went back to his family."

Rick was taken by surprise by this last part. In all the time he had spent with Kate she had only heard him talk about babies once. 'Success!" his mind yelled. His plan in turning Kate into a baby person had worked! He mentally high fived cosmo. But his heart ached once he came back to reality, and remembered that he and Kate were not having a baby, but his little girl. "Maybe we can make the best of this!" Rick said optimistically.

Kate remembered when her mother used to take her ice skating, it was a great memory. She remembered some of the other things her and her mom did together, and realized that despite that her mothers life had been cut short, Joanna Beckett had done something that Kate had not. She had always seen herself having kids someday, but what if someday was over? It couldn't be, she had just gotten engaged to someone she loved. She looked over at Rick and felt that she might be disappointing him. Somehow that wasn't her main thought, she wondered if she may be making a mistake


	3. Chapter 3

Rick had a meeting with his publisher that afternoon, and when her shift ended at the precinct he texted her saying "I'll be later than I expected, can you do dinner?" Shit. Now she was going to have to stop and pick up dinner.

On the way down the elevator she texted Alexis. "Picking up dinner. What do you want?" Kate hoped it would be Chinese, she had wanted lomein noodles all day.

By the time she got to her car Alexis had replied "what ever you want!" Thank god, Kate thought, planning the fastest route to the Chineasey Dinner place.

Kate walked in the door with a bag of food, her purse, phone, and keys and practically threw everything on the island. "Alexis, food is here." She called. Kate didn't even bother to put anything where it belonged, she was starving, and she pulled all of the food out of the bag and sat at the island, too hungry to wait for Alexis.

She looked over at the stairs and saw her stepdaughter coming down. Kate had been watching her like a hawk ever since she had learned of the pregnancy. This week she had noticed that Alexis had been sleeping a lot; she was always asleep when Kate got home from work, and was asleep when she left in the mornings. "Hey," she looked over at her "how are you feeling?" Kate was curious, almost all of her friends were single, or had older kids, so she never got to do any of this before.

"Like I got thrown down the stairs" Alexis groggily reached for the chicken balls. "Look at my boobs." She turned to Kate, who was visually surprised, and tried not to be awkward.

"Wow." She barely glanced at them, but didn't want Alexis to sense how awkward she felt.

"I'm starving!" she said, as she noticed Kate had already eaten about half of the chicken; Alexis reached for the noodle stir fry. Kate looked over at her and noticed her face had filled out a little bit in the last few weeks. Since they found out about Alexis, Kate and Rick talked a lot about babies. He had practically forced her to watch Disney movies. It was weird, because Kate hadn't seen any of them in decades, and she had to admit that she had liked the nostalgia.

Alexis was slowing down on the food, and looked over at Kate. Uh ho, Alexis was about to ask a question. Kate looked down at all the boxes of food they had consumed "We certainly didn't waste our money." She joked to cut the tension, and began to clear away the boxes.

Alexis followed her with her eyes, trying to word the question she had without being rude. "Kate..." She asked delicately. "Why did you never have any kids?" She realized that sounded a little invasive so she added "like... Did you just not get the chance, or do you not like kids..?" the question lingered heavily in the air.

Kate didn't look at Alexis, she continued to clear away the garbage and finally, after thinking for a while she stopped and turned to her step daughter "well Alexis, it's sort of complicated."

She put the garbage she was holding in the trash and looked over at Alexis, and she knew from her face that the answer was not satisfying. "Alexis, before I met Castle I didn't want to settle down. I didn't want to ever get married, or do the kids thing." She leaned on the counter making eye contact with Alexis, and knowing this answer was going to lead to a million more questions.

"But now that you are married and settled down, does that mean you'll want kids?" Alexis leaned foreword as if closing the gap between the two of them.

Kate had no idea how to answer this. She wondered if it would be appropriate to tell Alexis the truth. She smiled and shook her head "I'm going to be honest with you Alexis. I never really thought about kids until you told me the news the other day." She nodded at Alexis, who smiled.

There was a long silence before Alexis got really pale. Kate noticed and her back straightened, she knew that look anywhere. "I'm going to be sick." Alexis said as she ran to the washroom.

Kate didn't know what to do, should she follow her or should she wait in the kitchen. She began to walk over to the washroom, and saw that the door was open. Should I knock? She wondered. Instead she just followed her instincts and went straight in and put her hand on Alexis's back as she sat on the edge of the bathtub. Alexis only puked once, but she sort of collapsed into Kate after. She sat on the floor and leaned into Kate's legs. Kate, who didn't get grossed out easily, reached to Alexis and pulled her up next to her on the edge of the tub. Alexis leaned her head on Kate and Kate wrapped her arms around Alexis. Neither of them said anything, and Kate just starred straight foreword, wondering if she was the right person to be comforting Alexis.

She dug in the back of her mind trying to find something comforting to say to Alexis, but nothing came to her. "Alexis," she hesitated. "I hope you know that this is just the beginning." Kate ran her fingers through Alexis' hair and felt bad because she knew that Alexis was a little girl inside, and she was stuck with a problem that was way over her head. Kate looked foreword, and tried to imagine who would be comforting her if she had been pregnant and not Alexis. Immediately she scolded herself. She had been imagining herself in Alexis's shoes too often, and it needed to stop. This was her time to focus herself on Alexis, not be jealous of her.

After Kate took Alexis up to her room, she laid next to her spooning for more than an hour. Kate was the big spoon, and for once she enjoyed it. She felt like she was bigger than Alexis, as if she could protect her. She listened to Alexis's breathing and ran her fingers through her hair. Kate stayed laying with her even though she knew Alexis had fallen asleep. She thought about all of the things Alexis was going to be able to teach her child. Alexis's breathing began to sound like a metronome, keeping a beat. Kate started at the beginning, and found herself in tears counting all the things that she had to offer a kid, all of the things she could teach. Within minutes she was crying. She made it only a few minutes before her eyes watered, and once she felt the tears streaming, Kate decided it was time to get up from Alexis's bed, and call her husband, she had a lot to talk to him about.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry its been forever since I uploaded… Im going to be on top of this for now on! This chapter is a lot of Castle/Beckett fluff, and it kind of takes the story forward a bit… don't lose faith in me i think there might be a caskett baby in the future of this fic! Like, review, follow, its you guys that fuel my creative fire!**

Rick had just gotten out of his publishers meeting when his phone rang. He saw Kate's name and was excited to speak to her after a hard day of real work. "Hello my dearest," he greeted his wife cheerfully.

"Castle I would be a good mom," Kate sounded like she was trying to convince someone, and Castle wasn't sure which one of them it was.

"Nobody doubts that Kate. Especially me." Castle knew Kate was having a hard time finding her place, who could blame her? She was going from newlywed to Grandmother in under a year.

"I could teach a kid a lot of things, and even though people think I'm cold and aloof, that doesn't mean I don't know how to love." Kate sounded very quiet, and Castle knew from her tone that she was crying. He figured this was going to be an "in-person" talk.

"Kate, I'm about to get into my car, Ill be home in 20 minutes and we can talk about it when I get home, okay?" He was trying not to sound like he was babying her. "Did you save me any dinner? I'm starving." Castle herd Kate let out a little chuckle on the end of the phone. "Awe!" he pretended to be upset "How's a growing man like me supposed to get some nutrients living with two vultures?!" He said, trying to lighten Kate's mood until he got there, it seemed to be working.

"Blame your daughter Castle. I barely got any either," she joked.

"Listen Mrs. Castle, both of us know you just committed purgery. A respectable cop like yourself too, you aught to be ashamed." He could hear her laughing now, and felt accomplished. 'Damn Castle you are a good husband' he thought to himself.

"Me?!" Kate laughed. "You better hurry home or you're going to miss out on the wine too!"

"No!" Castle yelled into his Bluetooth as he drove. "Not the wine! Spare me a drop!" He fake cried, they were both laughing, but as the laughter died out Castle could sense something was seriously troubling his wife, and he just didn't have a solution. As he drove he tried to think of the possible outcomes.

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"So, you want a baby?" he asked her flat out after they had both settled onto the couch.

"I don't know Castle, I can't figure out what I want." She took a sip of her wine and looked up at him.

Castle didn't want to lie and say that he didn't want one, because he really did, but he didn't want to take the spotlight away from Alexis. "This is a hugely important time for Alexis." He said starring at nothing.

Kate sighed, "I know," she thought about how unprepared Alexis was for her life to turn. "She has no idea how screwed she is." Kate thought of the costs of a private school, diapers, clothes, food, toys, and daycare… "How much do you plan on helping her?" Kate asked.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about it, I want her to go back to school." He said, "I know she will want to go back. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she didn't get a degree." He snorted, "How did she get to be such a nerd?"

Kate playfully punched him " Hey! I happen to think it's a really good thing!" they both laughed and then Kate said unexpectedly "Do you think she'll keep it?"

Rick looked surprised "What do you mean? Of course she will!"

Kate gave him an unsure look. "It just seems like her school and goals might not fit well with raising a kid and paying for it, Castle."

Rick looked as though he hadn't even thought of that scenario. "Well we can help her, I mean…" he trailed off realizing that helping Alexis raise her baby would be more like raising it for her. "I think she will need to be responsible for it, but we can help her financially I suppose," he sipped his wine, "as long as she is in school."

"That sounds like a good idea castle. I mean…" she didn't want to offend him or say anything that might make him feel like he has to pick sides. "I don't want to raise any child but ours. I would love to help, but… I don't want to do too much. This is her baby after all."

They both made eye contact for a long time. Seeming to come to an understanding, they would help financially, but not step in as parents or day caregivers.

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A body dropped at 6 am the next morning. The Castles hadn't realized their conversation about Alexis and the after-sex spanned until 2am, both of them had polished off a bottle of wine, and were not in the mood for the chaos of a crime scene.

"Coffee." Kate whispered to Castle in the car on the way there.

"Ill drop you off, then go to Starbucks and bring some back for everyone." Castle said, catching the bags under his eyes in the rearview mirror.

"We are going to bed at 7 tonight." Kate whispered as she turned on her phone.

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"So much for going to bed early" Castle said approaching Kate's desk. It was 5:08 and he knew she wasn't going to be done for a while. He sat on his chair and watched her fill out paper work.

"I know, why murder?" she asked looking up, as if to demand this answer of god. "Damn murder… so many documents, papers, reports, protocols…"

Castle laughed, Kate had a very cruel sense of humor. "I guess I could go home now and cook something." He suggested, hoping she would agree, simply because he was bored and Homeland was coming on in an hour.

"Good idea," she said, " Wait a second! You just want to watch homeland without me." She glanced over at him as she filled out the police report.

"No I don't!" he lied.

"Castle why don't you ever wait for me? We are supposed to watch it on the pvr together!" she had noticed a few weeks ago that castle had let slip an "I love this part" to an episode that had aired only a few hours before.

"I told you Kate, I just said that because of instinct! I really have never watched one without you!" He was kicking himself for blowing his cover. He had been watching them on tv when they aired at 7 and pretending he hadn't seen the episode when he and his wife sat down at night to watch "their show"

"You're a bad liar Castle." Beckett laughed and signed her name at the bottom. "But just since I'm so hungry, go home and put dinner on. BUT!" she said warningly "If I get ANY sense that you watched it without me…" she paused for dramatic effect "You will be the next person I'm filling out these papers for." She indicated the 'Autopsy Conclusion: Murder' form she was filling out.

Castle did a fake gulp as he got on the elevator.

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After their spaghetti dinner Beckett and Castle poured their glasses of wine and sat on the couch. Castle had the remote and was going onto the PVR when Alexis came down the stairs. Kate could see some changes in Alexis now, noting that her face seemed fuller and her middle had ballooned out a tiny bit. Nobody not in on the secret would be able to notice, but Kate had been keeping her eye out. She had also noticed Alexis's aversion to chicken among other things, Kate figured they must aggravate her morning sickness, which, she had to admit, she felt sorry for. Seeing the slight swelling of Alexis's tummy made Kate feel uneasy, she didn't know weather to feel excited, or dreadful, or jealous. In a way she had felt all of them at least once. Although she hoped Alexis and Castle hadn't noticed her jealousy, Kate had often tried to picture herself in Alexis's position. She was starting to face that she had baby fever, just the other night she caught herself online shopping looking at baby clothes. Excitement, jealousy, they were interchangeable.

"So," Alexis said, displaying 5 file folders and arranging them on the coffee table.

Rick and Kate exchanged confused glances. "Here are the final 5 families, I want you guys to help me pick which one I should give it to."

Rick was confused. He sat forward on the couch. "Start at the beginning" he said. "Families for what?"

"Dad, you didn't think I was going to try to get a PhD while raising a kid did you?" She looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry," she could see that he was kind of disappointed. Alexis knew how much her dad loved kids.

"This is going to be really, really hard Alexis," Kate had a feeling Alexis hadn't taken her emotions into account. "You may be thinking how good this looks on paper, but… are you going to be able to do it and not back out at the last minute?" One of Kate's friends in high school had almost given her baby up for adoption. Kate remembered she had tried to keep the baby after it was born, but had been legally bound to a contract.

"Guys," Alexis said in a too grown up voice. "I know what I'm doing. I want your help to choose the family."

Both agreed to help pick, knowing Alexis had chosen the best situation for everyone. But both Castles wondered if she was really ready for what she was getting into.

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**more to come soon mes amis! stay tuned**


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